What Are The Three Keys To Effective Communication In Marriage?

Yesterday I preached about communication in marriage. You can listen to the message HERE. I have provided my sermon outline below. I hope the message is helpful to you!

Be sure to leave me a comment below and let me know what you would add to the message. You might just help another couple learn to improve their communication skills and intimacy.

Three Keys For Successful Communication
Pastor Ricky Powell
February 12, 2017

“The extent to which you can listen to understand your spouse, express yourself to be understood and actively resolve conflict between the two of you will greatly determine the level of intimacy and oneness you will experience in your marriage.” Dennis Rainey, Preparing For Marriage: The Complete Guide To Help You Discover God’s Plan For A Lifetime of Love (Ventura, California: Gospel Light, 1997), 139.

1. Learn To Listen … Listen To Learn.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19, NLT)

    A. Barriers to good communication:

• Apathy (quick to hear)
• Arrogance (slow to speak)
• Anger (slow to get angry)

    B. Clarifying Questions:

• “Are you telling me that __________________________?”
• "What did you mean when you said ________________________?”

    C. Summarizing Questions:

• Of all that you just said, what do you most want me to understand?”
• What do you need most from me right now?”

2. Tame The Tongue.

    Avoid:

    A. Unhealthy Words

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29, NLT)

    B. Unrestrained Words

“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” (Proverbs 10:19, NLT)

    C. Untimely Words

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven… A time to be quiet and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7, NLT)

3. Fight Fair.

    A. Rekindle Your Love For Each Other. (SEE 1 Corinthians 13. Love is action, not merely an emotion.)

    B. Set Some Ground Rules.*

1. We will recommit ourselves to making our marriage work.
2. We will attack the problem, not the person.
3. We will agree to disagree agreeably.
4. We will always put people before things.
5. We will seek to give the benefit of the doubt to the other person.
6. We will try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view.
7. We will never argue in public or in front of the kids.
8. We will try to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
9. We will watch our tone of voice.
10. When an assertion is made about me, I’ll try to repeat it verbatim before responding.
11. We will not be overly defensive, but open to the possibility we might be wrong.
12. We will avoid these statements: “You ALWAYS…” and “You NEVER…”
13. We will not dredge up the past sins of the other.
14. No stomping out of the room.
15. We will talk it out to its conclusion.
16. We will keep our anger under control.
17. We will say, “I’m sorry,” when we’re wrong.

*Adapted from, Dan Benson, The Total Man: The Way to Confidence and Fulfillment, Wheaton (Tyndale House, 1977), 170-172.

    C. Always Forgive.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13, NIV84)