In yesterday’s sermon, I talked about the importance of teamwork in marriage. There seemed to be a consensus that teamwork is absolutely essential to a successful marriage. "Teamwork makes the dream work." However, most of us recognize that teamwork is easier conceived than achieved.
Why is teamwork hard work?
1. Busyness.
Let’s face it, we are all very busy people. Between caring for our families, pursuing careers, hanging out with friends, taking care of chores around the house, paying bills, and the myriad of other responsibilities, we find it difficult to strategically focus on our marriage. Working on our marriage can feel too much like work. We know we need to take time for us, but we allow other things to crowd out our best intentions. We ignore problems or we fail to grow in the skills necessary for a healthy marriage.
2. Lack of practice.
A successful team must practice together. You can only imagine the chaos that would ensue if teammates showed up for the big game never having practiced together. They would not know the plays, they would not know the position they were to play, they would not know their opponent, and they would not know how to work together.
Why then do we assume that the essentials of a good marriage will just come naturally? We feel that if we love each other, that should be enough. Our unspoken assumption is, "He should know how I feel without me having to tell him," or "She should understand why I’m stressed out at times."
The essential skills of communication, conflict management, forgiveness, parenting, financial planning, or intimacy (emotional and physical) don’t come naturally. These skills must be learned and practiced over time before we become proficient at them.
3. A Coachless Team.
A good coach will bring out the best in the individual players and in the team. The coach calls the plays, holds players accountable, motivates the team to do what they don’t want to do, gives a pat on the back when deserved, and can discipline a player or the team if necessary.
We need a coach in marriage, too. Sometimes the coach can take the form of a book that we read on a topic with which we are dealing. At times a coach may be a marriage retreat, seminar or a sermon series at church. The coach may be your Life-Group that gives accountability, prayer, and encouragement or even take the form of a marriage counselor.
We all need a coach. There are many resources out there on the skills needed to build a great marriage. Take time to intentionally invest in your marriage. You two are worth it!
I would love to hear how you and your spouse intentionally build your team? Leave me a comment below.
