My wife Donna is the greatest gift God has given me outside my salvation. I cherish her more with each passing day. Recognizing that Satan attacks marriages because he hates God and the relationship between Christ and the Church pictured in marriage (Ephesian 5:21ff), I have taken steps to protect my relationship. Here are seven of them.
1. I do not counsel women alone.
I am committed to protecting my integrity and the reputation of our Church. Scripture stipulates church leaders are to be above reproach (Titus 1:6-7), and that even the appearance of wrongdoing should be avoided (1 Thessalonians 5:22). For this reason, I do not counsel a woman without my spouse or another staff member present. I always leave my door open with my Ministry Assistant in the next room so there can be no doubt as to what is said in a counseling session. I limit the number of sessions I will meet with anyone for counseling, especially people of the opposite sex. I do this for two reasons. First, I am not called to be a counselor or therapist. My role is to be a pastor. I am called to teach the Word of God and help people apply it to life. Most of my counseling is done from the pulpit. In depth counseling is not my calling or gift. We have a trained and licensed counselor for this. Second, I do not want an unhealthy connection or dependence to develop through long-term counseling.
2. I do not discuss intimate details of a woman's marriage without her spouse present.
It is my policy to never discuss detailed sexual problems a woman may be experiencing. I refer the person to another lady in our church or to the Pastoral Counseling Ministry.
3. I do not have lunch or travel alone with women.
I choose to flee the appearance of evil or temptation by keeping myself out of compromising situations. Too many affairs have begun with an “innocent” lunch or dinner. Even if there is nothing going on it looks bad. I don’t want to give the devil a reason to accuse me of wrongdoing.
4. I do not flirt.
Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. Ephesians 5:3–4 (NLT)
I don’t allow myself to listen to flattery and sexual come-ons. I don’t listen to or participate in playful banter that is of a flirtatious manner. I don’t call other women “honey,” and I only have one sweetheart, my wife! Dr. Adrian Rogers, the late pastor of Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee said, “He who would not fall down ought not to walk in slippery places”. It amazes me how many men never think twice about flirting with a waitress or a woman at the office, but who would be furious if their wife flirted with other men.
5. I remind myself of the painful consequences of infidelity.
It is sobering to think of the pain you will bring on your spouse if you have an affair. Think of destroying your children’s home and security through divorce. Think of the shame you will bring on yourself when everyone knows what you have done. Think of the sexually transmitted disease you could get and bring home to your unsuspecting spouse. And think of how you will grieve the heart of Jesus who died for you on the cross. I am reminded of the warnings of Proverbs 5 that speak of the dangers of adultery. Imagine yourself in these verses.
So now, my sons, listen to me.
Never stray from what I am about to say:
Stay away from her!
Don’t go near the door of her house!
If you do, you will lose your honor
and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved.
Strangers will consume your wealth,
and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor.
In the end you will groan in anguish
when disease consumes your body.
You will say, “How I hated discipline!
If only I had not ignored all the warnings!
Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers?
Why didn’t I pay attention to my instructors?
I have come to the brink of utter ruin,
and now I must face public disgrace.” Proverbs 5:7–14 (NLT)
6. I aspire to follow Christ's example in how I love my wife.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33 (NKJV)
7. I never let my guard down.
Rules cannot substitute for a growing relationship with Jesus Christ. Rules alone give one a sense of false security. I must never trust in my own strength to be the man I need to be. I must depend on the Lord Jesus Christ to guide my steps each moment of each day. None of us are above falling into sin given the right (or wrong) circumstances (Galatians 6:1).
Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:12–13 (NKJV)
I also seek to stay close to my wife in a growing, committed, and loving relationship.
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What are some ways you protect your marriage? Leave me a comment below.
